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The role of ‘Father’ has been under attack for quite some time. That is not to say women and mothers have not been mistreated or under appreciated; certainly they have. But, there seems to be a clear understanding in our culture that the nurturing and tenderness of a mother is absolutely essential in the life of a child. However, especially in western culture, the role of the father has been reduced to a sperm donor, a financial supporter and person to ‘goof-off’ with once the real work is done. I will be the first to say that men have often earned this reputation but I will also be the first to say it is detrimental to our society for us to embrace these characterizations. While it is true, no man can birth a baby and nurture a child like it’s mother, it is equally true that no woman can initiate a child into adulthood and call them into their destiny like their father.
Nearly every culture of the world (other than western culture) has a ‘rite of passage’ for young men and women. Even the most backwards, pagan cultures in remote locations have ceremonies that initiate their children into adulthood. Whether it is a public dance and celebration of a young woman’s beauty or a young man going on a hunt for the first time to prove his strength, the community acknowledges the initiation of the young person and almost always, that ceremony is lead by the child’s father and the men of the community. In the one culture that God specifically created to reveal Himself to the world (the Hebrew Culture), He purposefully commanded that there be blessings pronounced by the child’s Father at specific times in the child’s life, especially at puberty. This is one of the reason’s Jesus was found at the Temple at age 12 and told Mary and Joseph that He must ‘be about His Father’s business.’ This is also why Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah celebrations happen to this day in the Jewish Community. It is a celebration and blessing pronounced over a child that is blessing and welcoming them into adulthood. We have abandoned this concept of blessing and this crucial role of a Father in western culture and I believe, we are worse off because of it.
It is not a coincidence that a great majority of divorces take place around the time that the couple’s children are at or are nearing puberty. This is a crucial time for the Father to step in and take on a stronger role in parenting because the nurturing that the child needed up to this point now has to take a secondary role and a father’s strength and empowerment is needed to launch the child into a successful adolescence and adult life. We all know that it is in the ‘teenage years’ much perversion and rebellion tries to enter into children and alter their destiny. (It is interesting that for most of human history there was no such thing as ‘teenage years’; you were a child and then you became an adult with responsibilities and recognition in the community.) The devil knows this better than any of us so he is strategic in trying to destroy the marriage through divorce or by causing the father to withdraw or become distracted with work and money. Because this pattern is often celebrated in our culture (shame will always try to put on a happy face to pretend it likes the way things are) many men and women have come to embrace this concept and have even encouraged it in each other because they simply did not know God’s intention for them and their children. I personally believe this plays into the ‘entitlement’ we see on the rise in our culture. Whole generations of people have only known a mother’s nurturing that cares for their needs and so they expect it at every stage of life. It is a Father that calls a child into destiny and gives them the confidence and tools to provide for themselves and others. Father’s are not nurturers, they are initiators and our world desperately needs their initiation.
In Craig Hill’s book The Power of a Parent’s Blessing he writes about the seven stages of life that a Father’s blessing is crucial for the development and empowerment of children and he also offers a lot of hope for those single parents that feel disqualified or for parents of adult children who feel that they missed the window of opportunity to speak blessings. I highly recommend the book to you as it will help you understand your own life and will provide practical steps to bring a culture of blessing into your family, no matter your situation.
For the Fathers reading this, you are so valuable and have so much to offer. Invest in your relationship with God. Plug into your local church and learn how to grow in your role as a blesser and an initiator. For the Mothers reading this, you are incredible and have often been expected to do and be more than God ever intended. But know you do not labor alone. God is fiercely passionate for caring for and equipping you in every circumstance no matter how challenging or less than ideal. I ask you to speak life and blessing over the Fathers of your children, no matter your current relationship to them. Regardless how flawed they may be, God can yet use them and you to be a conduit of blessing to you children in powerful ways. Let’s start now by taking steps towards blessing our children and each other so that we may experience all God intends for us in this life. God is for you today and so am I.
Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud. – Genesis 27:38 NIV
…and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” – Luke 3:22 NIV
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