3 Keys To Being a Better Family Man

Very few people ask me what my secret is to wealth and prosperity.  A big part of that is because I am not, nor have ever been ‘wealthy’ though I’m quite grateful and very blessed by all God has done for me.  At the same time, no one sends me emails wanting to know my secrets to having the perfect body. Shocking as that may seem, I’m assuming I don’t get that question because I’m not particularly in the most amazing shape!  People tend to pull on us in the areas that they see we are most successful.  As nice as it would be to be able to offer my friends and family advice in the two areas I mentioned, I have a long way to go in my own journey before I have a lot to offer them there.  What are people looking to you for?  You have much to offer.  As a man, can I tell you what I would WANT people to look to me for?  Not how to bench press more weight or manage more money (though I want to improve in both!) but I would love to be looked to as one that can help you be a better person; especially a better family man. (Click Here To Read My Post ‘Birthing Babies And Birthing Adults)

The World Makes Fun Of Good Guys

Much of the chaos in our world today stems from the collapse of family.  Much of the collapse of the family has come from men not knowing how to do family or not feeling allowed to be a good family man.  We celebrate the lone rangers and the studs on the silver screen.  We highlight the excitement of the night life, fast cars, and faster women.  When compared to the hard work of raising kids, fixing the garbage disposal, being consistent at a job you may not love and then feeling criticized by the world for not being good at or doing enough of any of those things it can be hard to stay hopeful and encouraged. There is hope though.  You need not despair or give up.  The Lord knows the dreams and desires of your heart and you are not forgotten.  While the world would say ‘pull away and do your own thing’ I want to encourage you to dig in and discover that so much of the fulfillment you’re looking for is designed to come through loving, leading, caring for and celebrating that family God has given you.  (Click Here To Read My Post ‘I Need More Gray Hair In My Life’)

I have had the great privilege on several occasions to be asked by men in my life to help them be a better dad and husband.  I don’t claim to be a pro at either but I can say that being a good husband and father are goals I’ve been aiming at for most of my life.  One of the MANY advantages of having a great Father as a kid is that it gave me the desire early on in life to want to be like my dad.  My dad was good at his job and stuff like that, but he was/is a great husband to my mom and father to me and my 3 siblings and it made me want to be that way one day too. As such, I didn’t want to do anything as a teen/young adult that would complicate that goal in the future so running around and doing crazy stuff didn’t appeal to me. I only dated two girls in high school.  I married the second one as a virgin young man.  (Click Here To Read My Post ‘The Wound Is Where The Light Gets In’)

You Can Choose to Be A Better Family Man Now

Your story may be different, but that doesn’t somehow disqualify you from choosing to make ‘being a good husband’ and ‘being a good father’ two of your primary goals starting right now.  Maybe you didn’t have that great example.  Wouldn’t you love for your kids to have that?!  You can give them that!  After being married for 16 years and having 3 children I’m still aiming at those targets and often missing the mark.  But it is in the front of my mind all the time and I’m moving towards it everyday.  I want to invite you to do the same.

Here are 3 Keys that I use to stay focused in order to be a better family man and to be the person I believe God has made me to be.  Perhaps they will help you too?

1. Inspire:  Each day, how am I inspiring my wife and kids to learn, grow, dream and become a better person?  I share my own journey (what I’m reading, what I’m thinking/dreaming about) and I challenge them to be intentional in theirs.  It reminds me of how important it is for ME to be inspired so I can inspire them.
2. Empower: What can I offer to equip my family to move towards the goals and dreams they have?  How can I resource and encourage them today?  It can be as simple as helping my daughter learn how to not fall when she’s skating or show my son how to inflate the tires in his bicycle and trust him to do it on his own.  It can be making sure my wife has some down time away from house and kids.  It can be teaching them how to save money for the future. It only happens on purpose.
3. Enjoy:  Life is wonderful.  Let’s remind ourselves and our families of that everyday. Laugh. Tickle. Joke. Celebrate. No one is saying to ignore reality or the difficulties that you are facing.  Just don’t let them dictate the atmosphere of your home.  No one will be able to establish that culture like you as a husband and father. Our wives and children tend to reflect whatever we are ‘shining’.  Take time to throw the ball or play the video game or make a fire in the fire pit.  Buy the unnecessary ice cream and bring it home for no reason!

When you realize you can offer these things to your family every day it brings greater joy and purpose to the day.  And a series of purposeful, enjoyable days is what we call a purposeful, enjoyable life.  You have a lot to offer.  Get after it today and watch how God opens doors for YOUR OWN dreams and desires to come true as you lovingly care for the family God has given you.  Email me when you do!  I want to hear your story.

From the Bible

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. – Colossians 3:19-21 NIV

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. – I Timothy 5:8 NIV

Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord. 4  Having a lot of children to take care of you in your old age is like a warrior with a lot of arrows. 5  The more you have, the better off you will be, because they will protect you when your enemies attack with arguments. – Psalm 127:3-5 CEV